As lawyers will all inevitably encounter difficult personalities—be it an adversarial opposing counsel, a demanding client, or an uncooperative colleague. While these interactions can be challenging, they don’t have to be stressful. The key is to maintain professionalism, set clear expectations, and use strategic communication to navigate these situations effectively.
Below are some strategies for managing difficult personalities with confidence, drawing on research from Harvard Business Review and other management sources:
1. REFRAME YOUR MINDSET
Before reacting, consider whether the conflict is truly about the person’s character or influenced by external factors. Research in negotiation theory emphasizes that our biases often lead us to misinterpret intent (Gallo, 2022). Instead of labeling someone as “difficult,” reframe the situation: What interests or pressures might be driving this behavior? Approaching interactions with curiosity rather than judgment allows for more strategic responses (Shonk, 2025).
2. USE ACTIVE LISTENING & NEGOTIATION SKILLS
Many legal disputes and workplace conflicts stem from miscommunication. Skilled negotiators listen actively and acknowledge others’ perspectives to de-escalate tension (Harvard Program on Negotiation, 2024). When addressing difficult behavior:
Use neutral, fact-based language rather than emotionally charged statements.
Acknowledge the other person’s concerns with phrases like, “It sounds like you felt your position wasn’t fully considered—can we discuss your key priorities?”
Maintain composure and professionalism, even when the other party is aggressive or defensive (Stone & Heen, 2015).
3. SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS AND BOUNDARIES
Unclear expectations enable difficult behaviors to persist. To establish accountability:
- Define roles, responsibilities, and behavioral expectations upfront in engagements and collaborations (Porath, 2019).
- Address disruptive behavior promptly but professionally, reinforcing firm culture and ethical obligations.
- If necessary, document repeated incidents.
4. COLLABORATE TOWARD SOLUTIONS
Instead of issuing ultimatums, involve the individual in finding solutions. Ask, “How do you think we can work together to resolve this?” Encouraging ownership fosters engagement and accountability (Harvard Business Review, 2022). For resistant individuals, experts recommend using specific, constructive feedback:
Instead of “You need to be more collaborative,” say, “I noticed in the last meeting, you interrupted multiple times. Let’s find a way to ensure everyone’s perspective is heard.”
Follow up with support, offering mentorship or structured feedback to encourage improvement (Gallo, 2022).
5. LEVERAGE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE (EQ)
Legal professionals often thrive in high-pressure environments, but emotional intelligence is critical for managing difficult personalities (Wakeman, 2010). Leaders with strong EQ:
- Stay calm and composed under pressure, avoiding emotional escalation.
- Adapt their approach to different personalities—some respond best to directness, while others require reassurance.
- Use measured humor or positivity when appropriate to diffuse tension and build rapport (Gallo, 2022).
FINAL THOUGHTS
Handling difficult personalities is a test of legal and leadership skills, but with the right mindset and strategies, lawyers can navigate these challenges effectively. By fostering clear communication, setting boundaries, and maintaining emotional intelligence, we can turn workplace conflicts into opportunities for professional growth—without unnecessary stress.
REFERENCES:
- Gallo, A. (2022). Dealing with Difficult Coworkers. Harvard Business Review.
- Harvard Program on Negotiation. (2024). Managing Difficult Employees: Listening to Learn.
- Porath, C. (2019). How to Manage a Toxic Employee. Journal of Urgent Care Medicine.
- Shonk, K. (2025). When Dealing with Difficult People, Look Inward. Harvard Program on Negotiation.
- Stone, D., & Heen, S. (2015). Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well. Viking.
- Wakeman, J. (2010). The Tyranny of Toxic Managers: An Emotional Intelligence Approach to Dealing with Difficult Personalities. Ivey Business Journal.
